Mary had a little lamb and the doctor fainted. -- Anonymous1Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. -- Steve BluestoneI know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.... This is an ex-parrot. -- John Cleese, Monty Python, British comedy television showI love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul. -- Jean Cocteau... I am indebted to the cat for a particular kind of honorable deceit, for a greater control over myself, for a characteristic aversion to brutal2 sounds, and for the need to keep silent for long periods of time. -- ColetteWhat if it was cats who invented technology... would they have tv shows starring rubber sqeak toys? -- Douglas CouplandIn a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats. -- English ProverbI think we are drawn3 to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better. -- George Bird EvansWhen a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side down. I propose to strap4 buttered toast to the back of a cat; the 2 will hover5, inches above the ground. With a giant buttered-cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago. -- John FrazeeWhen I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear. -- Jack6 Handey, Deep ThoughtsWomen and Cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it. -- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love, Lazarus LongLove to eat them mousies
Mousie's what I love to eat.
Bite they little heads off
Nibble on they tiny feet.
-- B. KlibanWhat kills a skunk7 is the publicity8 it gives itself. -- Abraham LincolnIt's true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, Even a blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then. -- Lyle Lovett, musician, upon marying actress Julia Roberts, 1994Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read. -- Groucho MarxThe trouble with a kitten is
THAT
Eventually it becomes a
CAT. -- Ogden NashWhen the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole nearby. -- Nigerian ProverbA hippo does not have a sting in its tail, but a wise man would still rather be sat on by a bee. -- Polish proverbA kitten is chiefly remarkable9 for rushing about like mad at nothing whatever, and generally sTOPping before it gets there. -- Agnes RepplierThere are two means of refuge from the misery10 of life - music and cats. -- Albert SchweitzerWeaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from the other animals....except weasels. -- Homer Simpson, character from The Simpsons, U.S. animated11 television showI loathe12 people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts13 to bite people themselves. -- August StrindbergThe trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. -- Lily TomlinIt's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. -- Mark TwainMan is the only animal that blushes--or needs to. -- Mark TwainThe more I know about people, the better I like my dog. -- Mark TwainWe think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry. -- John WebsterThe English country gentleman galloping14 after a fox--the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. -- Oscar WildeCuriosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. -- Steven WrightImagine if birds were tickled15 by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically16! -- Steven Wright
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