GMAT 考试|孙远--GMAT作文--讲义（四）c

十3、Language Skills

1. Sentence Variety

Example 1:

Change: Beijings streets are crowded with taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent^{1. The number has been rising rapidly in the last few years. The latest statistics show there are now 1.2 million vehicles in Beijing alone.}

To: Taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent have crammed^{2 Beijings streets in rising numbers in the last few years--1.2 million vehicles at last count.}

Example 2:

Change: Thousands of buildings met the same fate. This alone is now being preserved. It marks the center of the nuclear explosion. It is being preserved as a symbol. It symbolizes^{4 our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.}

To: Of the thousands of buildings that met the same fate, this alone, marking the center of the nuclear explosion, is now being preserved to symbolize^{3 our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.}

Example 3:

Change: It was quite obvious at that time that IQ equals intelligence. Since then, however, many people have seriously criticized the idea.

To: The idea that IQ equals intelligence seemed obvious at the time but has since come under much criticism.

Parallel Structure

Example 1:

Change: He retired^{5 respected by his associates, admired by his friends, and his employees loved him.}

To: He retired respected by his associates, admired by his friends, and Loved by his employees.

Example 2:

Change: As a young man he had been to Shanghai, had fought in the Anti-Japanese War, and following the Nationalist Party to Chongking.

To: As a young man he had been to Shanghai, had fought in the Anti-Japanese War, and had followed the Nationalist Party to Chongking.

Example 3:

Change: This could be a problem for both the winners and for those who lose.

To: This could be a problem for both the winners and the losers.

Example 4:

Change: The sentences are difficult to understand, not because they are long but they are obscure.

To: The sentences are difficult to understand, not because they are long but because they are obscure.

Example 5:

Change: He explained that the advertising^{6 campaign had been successful, business had increased more than forty percent, and additional capital was sorely needed.}

To: He explained that the advertising campaign had been successful, that business had increased more than forty percent, and that additional capital was sorely needed.